"paid tha cost to be tha boss."

yeah...that's the title of one of snoop dogg's albums, the one with "beautiful" if i'm not mistaken. anyways...i thought it was a good blog title. no...i'm not some sort of boss in the literal sense but today was the first official clinical day. we were at extended care hospital at riverside. after six weeks of paying our dues in the classroom...we got to take into the nursing environment. it was an overwhelmingly awesome experience. finally...my education and knowledge collides with the reality of the job. although we all looked awkward and nervous...we did very well and managed to do work ultimately. next day is going to be at linda valley so i'm excited to gain more experience and take one step closer to becoming a nurse.

speaking of which...it's weird how i started nursing school around the same time lent began...lent is all about preparing one's self and making sacrifices for the greater good and the greater love. a friend of mine recently asked me what i gave up and i could only disclose a few things. but what i shall express now is something i've never shared before...i made a huge sacrifice i never expected making: a chance at a relationship. not just any chance and not just any woman. an amazing chance....an amazing woman. last year and before recent happenings...i never thought i could seriously discover someone who could really be better than my ex in my mind. and then it happened...i was proven wrong. but alas...i promised myself that until i finished this nursing program (or was close to it)...i wouldn't be in a serious relationship. i thought that would be easy to do...but it was easier said than done obviously. i gave my chance up and i'll be real...my mind has been distraught about it for awhile. today...i found out that after a couple weeks since i made my choice she's dating someone. i took the news in stride at first but the more it settled in the sadder i became until i became this "only sad r&b songs on the ipod" wreck. yeah...i was emo so shoot me. wait...i think if i was really emo i would embrace that hahaha. seriously though...as lame as being emo is real emo kids need help. anyways...enough of the tangent. whether or not i made a mistake or not in certain aspects...i did the right thing for myself...and the right thing never fails to be a good move...even if i can't see that in the present moment. no matter how i feel regarding the situation, i can't have a relationship right now. no longer because i still have feelings for someone else or anything like that...because school is and has to be my priority. i can't waste any more time and i need to invest all of me into being a nurse. if you know me...then you know i put it all on the line when i'm in a relationship...i invest as much of my entire being and life as possible into it and into her. with school in the picture...that can't happen right now. and so...i pay the price. a price bigger than previously perceived.

easter and the beginning of medsurg were also around the same time as well. i continue to pay the cost...the cost being many things like time with friends or staying out late like i used to do or working a lot. and little by little as time goes by...i seize a more and more of my dream. i take more charge of who i am. it's not a favorable reality to know that even though i've changed for the better and continue to improve as a person...i have to give up good opportunities and potential blessings. but in the end...it will be worth it. no doubt about that. and yes...i will live up to that title...paid tha cost to be tha boss. finally in charge of my life, my dream, my career, myself...knowing that it and everything else that it took to get to that spot was all for the greater good...for the greater love.

in other news...i did get to bowl again which was flippin' sweet. martin, devyn, ray pda, princess meagan, angelica, whitmore, jordeezy, genn, tiff, james, dennis, pat, nick, jbear, christian, and myself were in full effect. had dinner with genn and some of the homies at tgi friday...it was just great to chill with genn since it's a rarity and a greater blessing nowadays with our busy lives. i also got to hang out with angela martinez, liz, and april at starbucks which doesn't happen so often anymore...once again with our busy lives. ced, jon, crystal, and ramy were also present and added to a very random and hillarious afternoon. with this in mind...i may be wrong about not having a spring break. i seem to be sharing it with my friends who have the luxury of one. more to come on my spring break in the near future then...au revoir!