"drive."

disclaimer: this is going to be a very random but informative entry.

the past week has not been too nice to me.
it was a very rough week at school.
clinicals and theory days went on too long.
working during a laker game was lame.
some of my classmates got our class
under pressure from the d.o.n. and other administrators.
there truly has been better days.


luckily...all has not been so triste status.
i've been able to spend a lot of time with my friends...
time i don't normally have to be with them.
from roscoes to mi casa to jason's party.
nikki's birthday bash to late-night chill sessions to bbqs...
it's been extremely, definitely, positively worthwhile.


with all this in mind...
i must admit i was very irresponsible with the way
i've handled myself these past couple of days.
it's cool to not have my parents around but
i seem to have let go way too much without them here.
i've been having a good time but it's come at the expense
of my own well-being ultimately.
my sister checked me on that and i thank her for it...
as much as the truth hurts i need to feel that sting to gain more clarity.
i believe it's because i've been longing to be free like i used to be...
to make the most of the time i have without any stress or pressure.
but i also know that i can't be the way i used to be before...
i know better and that means i can't be living la vida loca the moment
i have to opportunity to. i have to handle aspects of my life
in a more mature way regardless of anything and i need to just
live as a person that is now more...evolved.


i watched indiana jones...movie was on point.
yeah the alien thing was weird but i was okay with it.
i mean...it doesn't get any weirder than
human sacrifices, child slavery, and live heart removal all in one movie.
not to mention having a man go through the controversial topics of Christianity,
judaism, and hinduism like it's nothing.
i also watched cloverfield...i can understand the mixed reviews.
the action was good. the perspective was dizzy at times
but i got into it. the ending was just lame.
and that should conclude my movie review section haha.

this memorial day weekend was a good weekend overall and
it was sort of like a preview of things to come this summer.
with that in mind...here are 10 things i want to do before fall arrives:

1) go on a trip. cruise, camping, vegas, whatever...as long i as can "get away from it all."
2) get an ipod. seriously...three years w/o one for somebody like me
who loves listening to music is too long.
3) get a new phone. yeah...an lg voyager would make my (social) life definitely easier.
4) attend rock the bells. four words: A TRIBE CALLED QUEST.
5) sasabune. i think it's time to go with my senpai to have what he calls "the best sushi around."
6) watch coldplay. i don't care how...i will. it's on my "things to do before i die."
7) buy boardshorts. yeah this sounds lame. but check this out. i only have one pair of boardshorts and it's from hollister aka. the store i extremely detest and haven't been in for years. it seems hypocritical of me to rock it at the pool or beach.
8) watch an opera. the current opera season ends in june with tosca and la rondine while the next season doesn't start up until fall. i better act fast on this one before time runs out. by the way...tosca and la rondine are two reasons why giacomo puccini is amazing.
9) more fire. it wouldn't be summer without going at least once.
10) make it through second semester. the next semester is going to be the hardest one. having it during summer makes it worse. i hope to maintain a steady focus and keep my overall stamina in check as i toil away at school and the hospital.

i had a hours-long conversation with ed noriega this past week and he
reminded me about something important...PASSION.
i'll spend the next blog talking about this issue so consider this a preview.
what is passion? what is passion to me? what is passion to you?
i learned it's more than just emotion in action or just having strong feelings.
what drives us? what moves us? what makes us stay?
what keeps us going? and as "the girl next door" pointed out...
what makes the juice worth the squeeze?

keep this in mind until then. take care and much love.

"hanging tough."

it has been a rough day. the heat didn't make it any better. our class lost our beloved instructor mrs. jacklin due to personal reasons. it made going through clinicals so troublesome and we had nothing but sadness for losing her. she really did love us...loved us for who we were as individuals and as a class. it's rare to see that in schools and it was such a blessing to have experienced that with her. she's definitely one of my favorite teachers because of her sincerity, care, and passion for the things she love. the day was not lost to grief thanks to going to the gym with christian and j. seriously...working out has proven to be good therapy for my whole being. after telling myself i wouldn't go out tonight and study at home instead...i did the exact opposite and ate at max's with j and tiff. it was a good dinner and we had quite the memorable experience. i'm glad i went because it really was what i needed regardless of the compromises i have to make now with studying and homework.

on other notes...my parents are leaving this thursday for new york and won't be back until tuesday night. i'm happy that they're able to go out and do something grand together. i'm also happy to have some time without their pressure for awhile. and trust me...i'm going to make the most of it for damn sure! aside from yambeezy's party, ulitmate brawl, and possibly celebrating nikki's birthday...there will be adventures upon adventures until my parents come back. one last thing...i'm buying the 17/6 jordan pack this saturday due to a basketball bet with dub. financially troublesome but i'm actually excited...these will be the first jordans i've ever bought. it's a big thing because i grew up with cousins getting jordans like crazy and i never got shoes like that. that's going to change and i'm glad it's going to after 15 or so years.

the week just started and i already want it to end. i guess i can only hope that things will be less troublesome and be more enjoyable.

"refreshment."

once again...things didn't quite go the way i wanted them to during my short break from school but it's all good. bowling didn't go down due to complications about more fire and things were a bit messed up but the night sorted itself out with a good time at more fire. on a random note...as i'm making this blog my mom is watching the simpsons which she never does. moving along...i spent a majority of tuesday at home watching atonement and love in the time of cholera. two movies made from two books i've wanted to read but haven't had the time. four hours of oscar-worthy filmmaking. you can imagine how lethargic i became on the couch. i loved both movies but atonement really got me more...what a story and ending. had gyukaku for dinner and then had a painting/singing/scrabble session at the huynh residence. i finally finished my piece i've been working sporadically on for the past month. it's inspired by no reservations...with the painting displaying the quote..."i'll dim all the stars so i can truly see you shine." yeah...romance finds its way into the things i love to do. after a rough wednesday morning...i was able to enjoy a highlight of the year by visiting melinda in long beach with tash. it was great because i haven't chilled with both in awhile and i got to catch up on their lives. we went to tracht's restaurant which is where mel works and we had an amazing lunch...truly refreshing and without a doubt the best lunch i've had all year. the environment was beautiful, the service was impeccable, and melinda was the best server ever. the cured salmon and the fries were so on point i was in a state of euphoria. even if the day died down with me having to close at starbucks...it was a good day and the lakers whomping on the jazz made it a good night. respiratory begins tomorrow morning and i have no doubts about doing well after living so well these past couple of days. God is truly present in my life through the wonderful things i experience. i know things will not always be this great but the moments of greatness i do have will be worth it and the other moments will only give it more substance. it's not just "pain is universal but so is hope" like the tagline of babel. it really is "suffering is inevitable...but so is love." love rules...end of discussion. end of entry. good night.

"lazy monday."

i finished up integumentary earlier this morning and i passed it. i didn't get my A but a B will suffice...for now. i celebrated my temporary release from school buy shopping at victoria gardens. i just finished eating a nice crab lunch and watched no reservations which by the way is a good movie...i can totally relate with aaron eckhart. ah...if only every day was like today. i have two solid days of freedom. the bad news is that everyone is mostly at school while i'm actually available to chill for once. the good news? i get to chill...period. i look forward to just having some time to relax. the past two weeks have been quite stressful and i need to replenish myself before respiratory starts on thursday. and when i'm done with resp...that will mean that i've finished 1/3 of the program. i've said it time and time again and it holds more true now than ever before...2008 is going by surprisingly quick. let's all hope the year doesn't crash at any given moment. tonight is looking to be a good night...or at least i hope for that too. bowling + more fire = grrrrrrrrreat! i'll be sure to post my remarks on that later...peace!

"euphoria."

and just like that...my birthday has come and gone. i'm finally 21. though it feels good to be legal...i don't quite feel any significantly different or older or mature in any way whatsoever. the only real difference i can tell is the whole "i can walk around responsibly with a drink like it's nothing." my birthday was so chill that it didn't even feel like my birthday until night. i had el torito with my entire class...which is an impressive feat since we all usually don't eat together and have our cliques and what not. i unsuccessfully went shopping...a whole lot of emphasis on unsuccessfully. oh well...i still enjoyed the time i spent carousing. i went to mass. i had dinner with my family and friends at my house which had to be the highlight of the day for me. rachel said it best when she told me later on that it was one of the best moments of her life because she felt so much love in the house and appreciated just everyone enjoying each other's company in all its simplicity. i totally agree! i truly have the best friends God can provide!

the good times only got better when i hosted a dinner party at the leelins residence last night. first and foremost...i'm so grateful to mike and anavie for their hospitality and generosity in providing me with a most suitable environment for my birthday. thanks to marc, mike l, mike j, bojie, james, daynee, jenny, david, and everyone i forgot to mention for all the gifts. my party was literally was one of the highlights of my life. good food, good drinks, good activities, and good people. i enjoyed every moment and every person in attendance. from the people that were there before the party to the people that could only make a cameo to the people that were there at the very end...i thank you all. you truly have blessed the night and the rest of my life with your friendships and presence. everybody had a great night based on the feedback and that's what really counts in the long run.

i'll be real with everyone. i'm not one to have memorable birthdays. starting with my 18th birthday dinner at t.g.i. fridays...i have had a 3-year streak of birthday celebrations that didn't feel complete. the dinner at royal buffet and then at jade palace...i couldn't say i was totally content with how i celebrated my 18th, 19th, and 20th birthday. there was always something wrong or something that kept me from really letting go and having the time of my life. but...my 21st birthday definitely changed all that. i've never felt more satisfied or happy with celebrating this life in progress. i finally let go, let God, and let love and joy really do its thing. for all this and more...i live a beautiful life.

"don't stop believing."

i should be constantly reminded that this year and what is to come in immediate future after it is my penance, my atonement, my rehab, and my reset. i get caught up in the mix of work, school, church, home, and everything in-between that i forget what this year is all about. i have to remember that for the past couple of years...my life was going nowhere. i think of it as a car on the way to someplace amazing...let's use vegas since this analogy is like a road trip. my car gets stalled and i'm stuck in the desert. no exits in sight. home and vegas are both far away. it's hot and i have limited resources. no cars stop to help. it's just me and my car. and just to make things worse...there's no reception to call on my cell. at first...i try and fix the car. it takes a long while before i realize the battery is done and i need to jumpstart it and get it moving. however...i don't do that. i just stay by my car and think. i stay by my car and find something else productive to do. i do everything but the right thing to get back on my way. ultimately...with the heat getting to me, time dwindling away, and the pressure rising...i do what's right. this is my life...this is me in recent years up until now when i'm finally doing what i need to do. it's unfortunate that i've let this happen to me...that i've made a whole lot of bad moves and failed to succeed on a habitual basis. but that's no longer the case. yes...i'm still suffering although this time around there's meaning to it...there's purpose. it's more than suffering...it's sacrifice...it's investment. this very same concept that applies to love applies to my life. after all we live to love and love to live. and not just love to live as in we love our lives but we love in order to live...to exist. anyways...this week has been exhausting for me. it's a relatively short week but so much has happened. i've been working at night and going to the hospital/school during the day. i'm sad that i won't be an active part of the retreat this weekend. i have not spent much time at home and i'm physically/emotionally/spiritually drained. so much negativity...and yet hope exists. i've improved relationships with co-workers, gotten off on a good start to the new term, and i've made amends with classmates/friends that have been distant with me for the past couple of weeks. i have a weekend of no work or school obligations that i plan to spend healing and recovering my whole self. i will be a prayer warrior for the retreat which has always produced nothing but positive things in the lives of the people i pray for and for myself. i'm a broken man indeed...under construction after having been torn down to build myself back up. i've got a lot to make up for and prove to my family, friends, peers, and myself. it's going to take a lot of time to get to where i want to be with my being and my life but i'll get there...my car is up and running and i'm on the way to vegas. and when i get there...i'll know for sure that the journey has made the destination all the more worthwhile. don't stop believing...hold on to that feeling! hahaha...couldn't help myself. auf wiedersen homies.