"proper."

musculoskeletal begins in 8 hours.

lunch at islands with pat and dub followed
by watching kung-fu panda...which surprisingly
was a very good movie.
"there is no charge for awesomeness...or attractiveness!"
hahahaha...good laughs and good action for sure.
we went to dq afterwards to visit matt and chill for awhile...literally.

then the madness started.
i rushed back home with a cake
and did some quick preparations for my sister's dinner.
then...i drove all the way to claremont to pick up
food at buca. the drive was miserable.
traffic because of construction, rush hour,
and just lame commuters and drivers.
the heat was getting to me despite the a/c on.
i was running low on gas
and there was some complications
with the food at buca.
however...i made it back home
with everything i needed
and a good tank of gas.

i thought my sister's dinner saturday night was awesome...
but i must say that this dinner at my house was so much better.
i thoroughly enjoyed the food and the intimacy with the company.
it was a beautiful simplicity...which i hope my sister enjoyed as well.
for me...it was the real end to my weekend.
a good way to finish off this getaway from school.
i have a whole lot of stress and challenges waiting for me
in san bernardino/riverside/loma linda/whatever
but i am going back to school refreshed and ready to rock.
and besides...this week has only three days of school with a
long weekend and my next break is in about two weeks.
things are looking up already and i haven't begun to really think positive.

at the beginning of this day...
i got a call from kaiser.
even if it was automated
and not intended for me (it was for my mom)
it provided me with a resounding lesson:
"today is a good day to thrive."
no matter what...we have the choice
to make a day good or bad.
we have opportunities to turn things around
for the better or for the worse.
if we focus on joy and love...
then every day is a good day to thrive ya dig?
i can't always rely on a phone call
from a hospital computer to remind me about things like this...
but i can rely on the people in my life and the person i see in the
mirror (that would be me...and not some ghost or somebody else.
that would be totally creepy) to keep me believing
that heart of life is good and worth thriving for.

goodbye june...hello july. what up sleep! good night world!

"settle down."

so here i am at devyn's house and this is how i'm ending the night.

with friends i call family...blessed to have no school for one more day

and just having a good and relaxing time living life. 

it's been such an amazing weekend.

aside from the definite pleasure of 

sleeping in without any interruptions

and not having any housework/schoolwork to do...

my achi's birthday celebration was last night 

(and as i type this it's now her birthday)

and it was a damn good dinner.

it was at havana mania in brea...

which was nice because i've wanted to go there

and i've never had cuban food before unfortunately.

and yes...now i know i've been missing out

on a lot by not having had the wonder that is cuban cuisine.

it was really chill just being with the people

that find themselves overjoyed and blessed to be 

friends with my sister.  

know this...

i love my sister like no other.

i don't think she'll ever directly hear this from me

but i'm quite protective of her.

i defend her perspectives and 

i've been known to "deal" with anyone 

that talks ill of her or anything about her.

anyways...

i wasn't able to go to the continental room with

everyone else since i needed to go all the way

to riverside for tash's birthday party.

it was an old-school cartoon/tv/movie shirt party

and i had to represent talespin haha.

the party was chill and i was just glad to 

see people i haven't seen in awhile and 

spend time with the birthday girl of course.

i got to sing with trinity today which

i haven't been able to do in awhile because of work.

now that i don't have work...

i suppose that won't be a problem anymore haha.

went to coconut bay with jay, devyn, martin, jee, and tiff. 

it was nice since i haven't eaten there 

since austin/andrew's birthday dinner last october.

humorous times and conversations as always.

and now i come full circle...

at devyn's house for a

movie/wii/mochi/whatever night.

i don't get to have weekends like this often

and i don't take it for granted.

the summer is very far from over

but for a person like me 

going through school and what not...

i think i can say i've made enough memories

to be satisfied with this summer.

that being said...

i don't intend of throwing in the towel just yet.

i understand i don't have summer vacation

but i still have a summer and i'm going 

to keep making amazing moments happen.

can't stop won't stop...beating hearts baby!

hahaha...i felt like typing that since i didn't know how to end this entry.

good night!

"the little things."

i'm definitely loving this weekend.

i didn't how thursday night was going to turn out but
it went well by watching the midnight showing of wanted
with fred, fiona, tiff, dennis, matt, austin, and sylvie.
amazing movie...i highly recommend it.
spent most of friday with meagan going to the getty villa in malibu.
it's such a beautiful place in such a beautiful environment.
great art, great conversations...a great time indeed.
went over to santa monica to chill.
book hunting at third street promenade
and beachfront contemplating among other random activities.
had dinner at little tokyo and finished off with cefiore.

this would have been the end of my friday night...
but life is unexpected and i have freakin' awesome friends
who share my flair for the random and adventurous.
matt, tiff, fred, and i went over to newport to
chill with dennis and get some midnight snacks at jane's corndogs.

seriously...malibu, santa monica, and la during the day and newport beach at night?!
only in the summertime i suppose.

i just came back from the best breakfast i've had all year and the best one in recent memory. after months of waiting and planning...rachel and i ate at riverside grill. funny thing...i woke up not feeling well so i told rach if we could raincheck it. to my surprise...she's on her way there. due to miscommunication she didn't know i was supposed to pick her up at her place...we don't really meet up anywhere to chill or eat. so i fought my morning slump and forced my weary bones to meet up with her. i must say...it was damn worth it. i loved the place...the service is great and the staff is so chill. and yes...the food helped cement the fact that rachel had just brought a new love in to my life with the riverside grill. i'm definitely coming back for many more times to come.

this isn't the weekend i expected...it's so much better thus far.
more proof that the best things in life are unexpected.

before i end...here's something random and interesting.
on the way to newport last night we played an
ipod shuffle game in which we ask the ipod questions
and it answers back with a song on shuffle.

i asked what song would describe my next date/relationship/pursuit/interest/whatever
and it replied with this song...

the little things you do to me are taking me over.
i wanna show you everything inside of me,
like a nervous heart that is crazy beating.
my feet are stuck here against the pavement.
i wanna break free.
i wanna make it closer to your eyes.
get your attention before you pass me by.
back up, back up...take another chance.
don't you mess up, mess up.
i don't wanna lose you.
wake up, wake up...
this ain't just a thing that you give up, give up.
don't just say that i'd be better off,
better off sitting by myself wondering,
if i'm better off, better off without you girl.

don't just leave me hanging on.
don't just leave me hanging on....

"release."

there's a lesson i learned this past week: i can't pull off all-nighters anymore and i definitely can't take a nap at night when i foolishly plan to work on school stuff through the night. seriously...bad choice, bad move, bad idea. i don't get anything done and i make things worse for myself. this has been my crutch of sorts for the past three days. like i said before...school has been very difficult. i don't think it's really the curriculum but rather the vast and vague amount of information we have to study. the exams i've been taking for the past couple of weeks are the hardest i've ever taken in my life. three weeks of class went by quicker than i thought. i finished up cardio this morning which is a great relief but now i'm in a state of nervousness awaiting my fate. i was borderline passing...i hope my final sealed the deal for me to move on without any worries.

moving on...i had an amazing night last night. a night that would have been more prudently spent studying was instead used to take out my good friend tash to the la opera to watch la rondine. we had an impromptu dinner at the frying fish in little tokyo followed by sweets at mikawaya. the opeara was amazing. romantic as always and definitely heart, mind, and soul-inspiring. i was also fortunate enough to have met up with steph and her friend ben. it's cool how my passion for opera has grown through the months and how my seats have been getting better (the latter is something i don't think will last but i hope for its endurance). from the second to last row in the rear balcony for la boheme to the front balcony for tosca...tash and i had seats in the founders circle aka. for the opera ballers. it was freakin' suh-weet. i didn't care if the two of us totally didn't fit in with all the richness watching and we just so happened to be the youngest people in our entire floor. we had enough steez to be real and just enjoy the night. i have to admit...this was a highlight of the year for sure.

random note: i was on the verge of making the choice to start blogging with pictures. ultimately...i decided that i feel my words can express it all and if people were that eager to see something good they could always holla at my camera as usual.

after my dreaded finals this morning...i went with tiff to tracht's in long beach to visit melinda. i wasn't joking around when i said i left my heart in long beach. i promised mel i'd come back for a round two and i lived up to my word. i love the restaurant and the experience that comes with it. amazing food...i never knew fried egg and sirloin could be prepared so elegantly. the best french fries outside of the cafe orleans in disneyland (i suggest you try both). the only chocolate pudding worth eating (and the only one i'll eat). it was a good way to literally get away from school and just relax. so much stress to deal with...i didn't want to have to worry about it for at least one lunch. the first time there was amazing...this time around was even better. summertime in the lbc is on point.

the weekend hasn't arrived for most...but it has for me.

four days is all i need to rejuvenate my body and give me hope that my summer is not totally lost to school. an adventure is waiting out there for all of us...let's get going and carpe diem like no other.

"a love in progress."

a title i can be completely satisfied with...
with a background to express the summer.

life is truly a love in progress.
always changing and growing as time goes by.

so for all those who are either new or old to this blog...
let me share my love with you so you
can hopefully connect with me better.
and maybe...your love will be left
informed and inspired by mine.

good night!

"tuesdays with feeny."

for the past couple of weeks or so...i've been dropping by the teen center to visit my friend ed noriega. for those who don't know...ed is the director of youth/young adult minitry and i refer to him as mr. feeny. yes...like the one from boy meets world that corey, eric, shawn, and topanga went to for guidance and inspiration throughout their lives. what started out as just randomly visiting to say hi has become a weekly activity for us. we talk about our lives, faith, politics, pop culture, and everything else worth discussing. basically...we talk like friends. i learn from him and i can only hope he's learned from me. our friendship has truly blossomed during this time and i'm ever thankful for that because it's a connection worth keeping for a lifetime and beyond.

took the first part of the final...it wasn't as painful as i thought it would be but it was still tough. one day down...two more to go.

"calm before the storm."

it's become some sort of a tradition for me to post an entry before a final exam...i'll keep it going. i usually do it much later in the night when i'm a lot deeper in the misery of studying but i'm making an exception because i seriously need to have all my focus on the exam tonight to prepare. i spent today at extended care in riverside. seriously...i used to like the place back when we first went over there but it's become so boring. we've been there for every clinical the past month and we've had little excitement. it's so hot and dry in riverside. all we seem to do is assessments and cleaning. i do care plans to keep myself entertained...now that is sad. i've learned nothing new when it comes to procedures or anything like that. i hope that life after cardiovascular will be much more interesting in clinicals. speaking of which...the next three days at school will not be fun whatsoever. our final got split into half...we do part one tmrw and the other half on thursday. we have tons of homeworks and projects to complete and a broad range of things to study for. to top it all off...i'm nervous yet again if i will pass. you would think i'm like the only one but it's really our entire class that get nervous every time now. we're all in danger when finals come around. i'll do what i can to make it through. i just need to get to thursday morning, finish that exam, and enjoy what i hope will be an amazing four-day weekend.



in a much earlier entry...i talked about 10 things i wanted to do this summer.
because of unfortunate and unexpected events (like me losing my job haha),
i have to revise the list and make it more...accomodating and acheivable.



1) rennovate my room. my room doesn't fit me and my life anymore. i need to transform my room into something more appropriate and fitting. new paint, new decor, new furniture. extreme makeover status.

2) rock the bells. four words: a tribe called quest.

3) commemorate paulo's life. paulo was the closest person to me to pass away thus far. he was a hero, a brother, and an inspiration to me. he died on july 12, 2006, just four days after his birthday. to celebrate his life...i want to do something special. i don't know exactly what i'll do or who'll be involved or anything like that. i just know that whatever i do...it's dedicated to him.

4) renew my disney pass. an ipod is much more expensive and i'm going to wait on getting a macbook first since my pc is too old and too blah to run ipod software properly. disneyland is actually the closest i'll get to a vacation for awhile. the only exception to this will be any trips to vegas in the later parts of the year and...

5) ...going camping with my friends. as a way to celebrate the decision my friends andrew and michelle have made to join religious orders...we're planning to up to kern county for some good, natural fun. whitewater rapids, being away from life's luxuries, roughin' it...it's going to be worthwhile. i just hope i can not only afford to go since i don't have a job right now...but that it doesn't conflict with anything school-related.

6) watch la rondine with tash. it's my birthday gift to her. what makes it complicated is that it's this wednesday, the night before my last exam for the class. and check this out...i'll be in san bernardino all day wednesday then in LA at night then back at san bernardino the next morning. that's loco. but...it's a damn good opera with damn good seats and i'm doing it for a damn good friend. that's a damn good enough reason to go through with it. and besides...watching the opera has become one of my newest passions. i need to live up to the passion.

7) food adventures. mosun, roscoes, susie cakes, sasabune, diddy riese, boiling crab, etc...i just want to go out and eat! good times are best fueled by good people, good laughs, and good food. the first two are within grasp...the third requires a bit more...galavanting ya dig?

8) go to the getty villa. going to the getty center was amazing...reopened my senses to the world of art. the villa is supposed to be the banana republic to the center's gap. haha...i know you like that one. it's exclusive and requires tickets and reservations. i've been wanting to go for years now and it's time to change that.

9) get a new phone. i could use a new phone right about...now. i'm not around a computer as much as i used to be so having internet access on my phone would be great.

10) find another job haha. seriously though...i don't really need to work. i just use the money to fuel my social life and the expenses that come along with it since i'm so blessed to have parents that provide for my existence and future. this time...i want a job in a sense that i lost something and i want to fill that void.



alright back to the grind. take care and much summer love.

"the light."

i was inspired to post this as my own response
to my previous blog entry.
i hope you can learn as much as i have from this:

whether the sun rises or sets...it's still beautiful.
such is life. there's no escaping life.
although everyone supposedly has their
reasons/excuses to justify a desire for such a feat...
to escape life is to stop living.
and besides...why would anyone want to leave such a beautiful thing?

fear, fatigue, failure, and frailty.

we can be afraid of what's going on
right now and what will come.
we can be tired of dealing with the stress and pressure life provides.
we do and are bound to fail from
time to time with a variety of things.
we are more fragile than we think ourselves to be.
we get damaged easily...broken down and
broken apart from whatever is causing us harm.

fear fades in the heart of a believer in positivity.
be happy...that's a dare for you to move
yourself towards a more hopeful reality.
there is no success without failure.
find the potential within failure to excel
and become a better person living a better life.

know this...life ultimately gets better when it's worse.

it's up to you to realize how that sentence manifests in yours.
breaking is our leverage.
whether or not we choose to utilize that leverage
to our best advantage is what determines
our strength and ultimate success.
to presume that one will never be and to disregard others
who are broken is simply vain, and ignorant.
no one is unbreakable...we all can break.
but time heals all things and reveals all things in life.
and yeah...a little faith, hope, and love goes a long way.

getting inspiration from joan jett...
life is a battlefield.
fight on to victory.

"shoot me down."

this has to be the lowest point of the year thus far.
after a lackluster display of effort and commitment...
i got fired from starbucks.
ouch...yeah it definitely hurts.
i'm going to miss working with my peers there
and the flexibility of the job
but i made the choice to
prioritize family over my job.
it was a painful and difficult choice
in terms of knowing i'm putting
my job and myself on the line...
but it was also easy and simple
knowing i needed to deal with
family issues and situations before
anything else...worse comes to worst my family comes first.
i'll never forget the good times and the bad times.
i'll always cherish the bonds i've made and
the opportunities the job gave me.

"please don't shoot down...
because i'm flying, i'm flying, i'm high up."

- lil' wayne/d. smith -

oh yeah...getting fired is a bad thing.
it is failure at its professional worst.
but this experience has also set me free.
you can believe the hype...
that i was perpetually late
and that i wasn't professional and
blah blah blah.
truth is...i loved the people i worked with
but not the job itself. i believe my passion
for being a barista was subpar.
by continuing to work there...
i was being dishonest
with my co-workers and myself.
i wasn't being real.
i was doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons perhaps.
i have to love what i do...
and do what i love and somewhere
along the way i forgot that.
i did my job at starbucks...
did it well enough to have been there this long.
something had to finally give...
and i'm glad it was me.
not having the money will only hurt me right now.
not being true to myself would have been a chronic pain.

this is the first time i've been shot down this past year.
i knew i was bound to suffer like this sooner than later...
and it's better sooner than later.

i'll find my way back up again.
i'll suffer...and i'll survive.
i'll endure...and i'll thrive.

i'm going to touch the sky once more.

"chasing."

so going down the confusing auto maze that is the la opera parking structure...karla and i were talking about friends and relationships. one of the things that i highlighted in my mind was our discussion on how there are girls (guys too but we didn't refer to them primarily) who lose interest in guys once they find out they like them. let's make an example: kimberly thinks tommy is cute and has an interest in him but when tommy makes it aware to her that he likes her...all hope is lost as she loses any attraction. and yes...i did use tommy and kimberly as in the white/green and pink ranger from mighty morphin power rangers haha. anyways...karla and i found it most unusual and perplexing but it eventually kinda made sense. it's something that happens quite often. girls don't necessarily embrace risks...but they love mystery, the unknown. they like it when the lines aren't in bold and the rules aren't exactly determined. it's pretty much anything goes because nothing is really serious. you can almost get away with anything and be just playful to your heart's content. "it's all fun and games until someone falls in love." i always say this as a joke but it can actually be applied in this idea. seriously...it's totally lame when the scenario mentioned earlier happens. the girl holds back...doesn't go further and sees the real risk, the lines becoming clear and the rules taking form. personally...i've been on both sides. the person on the giving end...and the receiving end of the rejection. ouch. yeah...it's not pleasant. truth is...in the end both people are victims...deprived of an opportunity at something good. oh sure there's a lot of factors and what not but let's take a nice guy and a nice girl who have so much going for the both of them individually and in their connection but it doesn't work out because one or the other doesn't give in. usually...it's not letting go and letting God but this time it's not letting go and letting love (let's not start on the whole God is love arc). i'm not talking about romantic love really...but just the flourishing of a connection between two human beings. there's two thresholds, two chases when it comes to a relationship. the first threshold and chase is the one i've been typing about. it's not the chase we typically refer to but a chase is a chase...one is trying to get to the other or even both are trying to get to the other. crossing that threshold to the next chase and threshold is where karla and i focused our discussion. if everything looks good...then why do so many girls (once again...does happen to guys too) fall out instead of in, avoiding what can be something better than what they got right now. and the guy gets cut short...his hopes dashed. the two of them avoid the best part of potentially forming something together. the threshold of coming together...chasing one another mutually with the rules set and so forth. whether or not this has happened to you or if you agree or disagree with this perspective, realize that like my friend ed always says: life is about choices. we need to invest, to risk, to decide in order to "truly" live. we have to see that if can't risk we won't win. if we don't invest we won't see much in the future. if it's the rules that are daunting, the awareness that something playful could really be serious...then remember that "the chase," like love, is like playing the piano. first you must play by the rules...then you forget the rules and play from your heart. don't know if this all made sense but to you i say cool runnings. run to your heart's content and chase like never before. you can lose...that's a possiblity. but...you can win. and that's an opportunity.

"summer's eve."

no...not the stuff for the va-jay-jay. summer has not officially begun but the weekend leading up to it was very much super official. went to martin's grad at mt. sac and celebrated at bj's in brea. went to pat's grad at ucr and celebrated at the olive garden. i'm so proud of my brothers and i'm happy for their acheivement. and pat rocked the star-spangled banner like no other...it was quite spicy. watched tosca at the la opera with karla...then went to edward's birthday hotel party and fiona's grad party. tosca was amazing...such a beautiful and bittersweet opera. let no one tell you different or otherwise...opera music is the music of love. even the moments leading up to the opera were surreal. having frappucinos and a chicken caesar salad in front of the dorothy chandler pavillion by the fountain in the middle of downtown la during a sunset...it was one of those moments that reminded me of how wonderful and blessed life is. ended the weekend with pat's grad party and a small get-together at my grandparents' apartment. the party was legit and i'm glad the lakers are still hangin' on. and any party is a good party when you got porto's. so yeah...it was a great weekend and i look forward to plenty more this summer...actually starting with brother bear's birthday bash next weekend haha. time to play that fresh prince and jazzy jeff!

"10."

1) i'm teaching con2 next year once again. same time. hopefully with edward again. and just in case he can't...i've got ed noriega aka. mr. feeny as my assistant. either way...i'm good.
2) after years of resistance...i made a facebook. seriously...i'm still in disbelief but i did it in hopes to connect with long-lost friends and better keep in touch with errrbody.
3) i randomly attended chhs graduation because fred had an extra ticket. i was glad to support fiona, trina, kaitlin ogle (haha), and all of the other familiar 08 grads. being at graduation was a nostalgic experience and it certainly put some things in perspective.
4) i'll be going to extended care in riverside for all my clinicals this month. from mon-wed, i'll be spending 8-hour shifts going crazy haha. i'm really not quite down for 24 hours a week of doing literally all the dirty work with my classmates.
5) this weekend is going to be crazy. hopefully going to pat's grad and grad party, possibly going to dland/watching hulk at downtown disney with friends, going to edward's birthday party, lisa's birthday party/chris' grad party, mosun with the irvine crew (tentative), and watching tosca at the la opera with karla. and to top it all off...i have work which i need to reschedule in order to make all this happen. oh boy...it's going to be super loco indeed.
6) out of sheer randomness and spontaneity...i'm planning ashley ramos' belated birthday dinner at pf chang's. here's to just going with it (see previous entry)!
7) here's two things i might do in the fall: volunteer for the make-a-wish foundation and join the pnotes choir at calpoly. i was inspired by ryan roxas to look into the foundation and my cousin eric is recommending me to the choir.
8) as soon as i can get my work schedule on sunday fixed...i'm going to start doing yoga at lululemon athletica. i was inspired/encouraged by liz and it's a good way to be healthy. besides...i be more flexible if you know what i mean.
9) a whole lot of us are going up to "the river" to camp and do some rafting. this is long overdue and heavily anticipated. july is already shaping up to be a good month.
10) school is ridiculous crazy right now. the hospital is exhausting and the curriculum is getting more and more challenging. i'm in cardiovascular right now and i'll be trying to survive it for the next two weeks. my ray of light? june 26....which is not only the day of my final but tash's birthday and her beach party, the start of another 4-day weekend for me, my second visit to melinda's restaurant, and quite possibly a much needed mosun dinner. all i got to do is just make it through...passing and alive.

that's all folks! peace!

"back and forth."

woke up at 4.
got to school at 5ish.
studied until and took
final at 7:30.
got back home at 10.
arrived in newport at 12:30 for
lunch at abe with joshie, ray, and andrew.
got back in the hills at 3ish.
and now...
i'm going back to newport,
queen of the angels to be more precise.
i would find this irresponsible,
unwise, and downright crazy but this
is an exception...a rare one indeed.
i don't get to have lunches with friends
that much anymore...let alone go
towards orange county to do anything.
and what's weird is that
although i should be mentally exhausted and
physically tired...i'm fine.
i'm down for anything and
i've got enough gas in my tank
to light up the night.
i just hope i don't run out all of a sudden.
oh well...here's to the start of my
four-day weekend.
i'm off to newport...good night!

"eve."

a blog entry all too familiar...the night before a final and here i am again. seriously...i should be studying but right now i feel as if i know what i need to know already. maybe that'll change in the hours prior to the final but i'll manage. i need to relax more because this is the most nervous i've been about a final. with all the drama that has happened with my class...losing our teacher (again) and being managed poorly by administration which led to a hours-long fight with our director of nursing...i can't help but feel the way i feel now. i seriously hope i can pull this off. i'm currently a percent or two below the passing mark (everyone is in a similar if not worse position) and i need to get an awesome grade on the final so i don't have to remediate. apart from this craziness...the week has been quite chill. had an impromptu picnic during lunch yesterday and went to the thai house today which was really delicious. i finally got to go around with the treatment nurse yesterday and i got to do some really cool stuff. i'd describe it but it might be a a little t.m.i. spent a part of class yesterday just chillin in the grass, discussing and taking notes. it was so peaceful that it was hard to believe i was still in school. i randomly shopped with tiff's mom at bath and body works. i had dinner with rachel tonight at chipotle (my first time). like always...we had a great conversation which is what we both needed. we ran into james and regina...then jibbs and matt when we went over to dq. chilled at dub's for awhile and here i am...9 hours away from my final. let's break that down...4 hours of sleep, 2 hours of getting ready for school and making the drive, and 3 hours of studying. loco status. apart from hoping and waiting anxiously for my fate with school...i'm planning to have some great adventures and moments during this four-day weekend. eric's back from oregon and is hosting a pot luck. the rvca sale is going on. lakers-celtics series begins. there's talk of a grove/karoake night. damn...now i'm more excited than ever to get past the next 9 hours. until then...i bid you all a good night. aloha!

"passion."

i was at the airport last week picking up my parents and didn't know their flight was late...which led to me driving around in a circle for a long, long time. during one of the last laps...i caught sight of something which reminded me that the things we do can influence a person without us being aware of the fact. a girl just got out of the terminal...stood around looking for her ride or whoever was going to pick her up. she was nonchalant and looked tired for the most part until she found who she was looking for. her face lit up and she smiled. with luggage in both hands she made her way towards a car. it was windy and breeze was going against her...it really looked like the quintessential battle against mother nature. she took a step back but pushed on through...still smiling and her eyes never detracting from the prize. she was persistent. she was hopeful. she was passionate.

passion. usually...when someone thinks of passion they think of having strong feelings for something or someone. a cause. a relationship. a hobby. there's more to passion than feeling. anyone can feel...but to be passionate requires more of one's self. for lack of a word that can truly encompass the desired perspective...passion is drive. the motivation for what we do. the factor that determines what matters most to us in life. when ed and i talked about passion he focused it around my life. i have so much going on with family, friends, school, work, church, and so forth. it's so hard to find balance and what's harder is that i'm adding more to the things i'm juggling. instead of piling more things on top of my plate...i should be making room for what i want in my life (oh sure...it's true that our lives are able to expand to accomodate things but we can't just force it or will it to happen. it happens with growth and the just natural flow of life). to accomplish this...i need to determine what matters most to me...what i'm most passionate for. it is those things that will only remain in my life and are a true priority. from my connections with people to the things i enjoy doing...i sorted everything out by the passion i had for these things. it was quite the mental experience. talking with ed provided such a good reminder to me because passion has kinda lost its way in my life. i forgot all about it...but i'm glad to say i'm find passion is finding its way again. yeah it's like "how john got his groove back" haha.

this whole notion of passion has inspired all aspects of my life but for this entry i'll limit it to two things. if you want to know more...just hollla at me in the world. first...when it comes to dating relationships...you need three "forces." romance, passion, and commitment. personally, romance has never been hard for me. i've said it before...i grew up on romantic comedies and kost 103.5. i grew up a romantic. however...being passionate is another thing...something that has taken me more time and more effort to understand and become. in the past...i was always romantic and i managed to be passionate at the same time but i would gradually lose that passion. romance can only do so much for so long and it eventually faltered. without one or both...the commitment will fail. i've learned from past mistakes and with this reminder of passion i will be a better man in my next dating relationship.

the second thing is the fact that passion is of the Holy Spirit. actually...it's the gift, the virtue, the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in us and our lives. we don't normally or usually think about that. but when you have it in mind...it takes passion to a whole another level. passion becomes less about how strong we feel about something and more about how much of God's love, God's blessing, God's essence within us do we invest to sustain something worthwhile and good in our lives. passion is a blessing that allows us to fight for what matters most...to believe in it and to embrace it fully. passion is the Holy Spirit's way of allowing us to connect to the things we love...the people we love. that is true passion. that is the same passion Jesus had for all of us...this is the same passion we must exercise and apply now.

like i said...i could go on but i'd rather talk with people about it in person. it'll make for a great conversation...better if coupled with an adventure haha. that's all for now. remain passionate and keep it real. peace.