"...and he gets it."

this weekend didn't turn out the way i thought it would...or wanted it to for that matter. i wanted to sing at the confirmation ceremonies but i couldn't. i wanted to go to mount st. mary's "anak'd up" pcn for tash and others but i had to go to my grandpa's birthday dinner instead. i didn't expect to go to newport beach today. there was plenty of things that turned out different...but i not only managed to deal with it in the end...i was able to benefit from it somehow. by not singing at the confirmation masses...i got to serve in other ways like ushering and eucharistic ministering. shoot...i even got to be a sponsor for 15 minutes haha. basically...i got to spend time with the people i helped and watched grow in their faith. a truly beautiful spectacle to be a witness to. and i still got the chance to sing this weekend with trinity at mass this morning...complete with a oh so delicious filipino breakfast.

i've been planning to go to tash's pcn for months and i end up going to a dinner that was literally planned in hours. seriously...i was crushed that i couldn't go. i felt like i was letting a lot of people down...especially tash since this was such a big accomplishment and moment for her and as i friend i wanted to be there supporting her. but of course...family comes first. i got to spend time with my grandparents and see my grandpa so happy and so alive at 80. it really was sweet.

earlier this night...pat and i went to newport beach unexpectedly to check out an event at queen of the angels. on the random note...i "felt" kobe's presence at the church and pat laughed...only to be told by dennis that he actually was there at mass! what a dedicated catholic...going to mass right after he whomped on the nuggets in the afternoon. anywho...pat and i expected to just take part in the festivities and watch fiat perform. we ended up helping out and grilling hamburgers for everyone there. it was quite cool...i became part of the grill club that edward, dennis, and pat established haha. by the way...there will be plenty of bbqs this summer...guaranteed. there was good music, definitely good food, and father matt (the priest that looks like Jesus who does adoration at scrc for the young adults night) gave an awesome talk about the Holy Trinity and adoration. and yes...there was adoration (there had to be after all the talk about it!) and it was a truly uplifiting and beautiful experience. i mean...i rediscovered something that was lacking in my recent previous adorations. to finish the night...father matt granted me a much needed confession. and oh my goodness...what a confession it was. it was such a good way to end the weekend and start off the new week. like i said...this weekend went from expected to the unexpected. and it's true...the good things in life are unexpected.

queen of the angels is an amazing parish...i commend my friends who volunteer there for their efforts, passion, and commitment. i hope that once i get out of concorde next year i can help out as well. speaking of which...i have finals coming up and i got to make it through to the next term. seriously...this is going to take a part of my swag...wait...all of my swagger! peace, joy, and love...aloha!

"clarity."

i'll discuss more light-hearted things in the blogs to come after this but for now...let's be serious. there's an issue that was bound to come up sooner or later. people have been talking about it...no surprise there. people have been reading these blogs...as expected. but i should have expected misunderstanding. let me make this clear...i have no animosity, hatred, disdain towards anyone. seriously...it's all good. to all who this pertains to...remember this: i love you no matter what. you're always in my prayers. no matter the distance or lack of time together...the way i feel will be constant and strong. never doubt it. don't believe everything you see or hear...or read for that matter. on that note...take more time understanding everything in regards to certain situations and instances. i'm tired of having to defend my stance and perspectives...by now people should know me and the way i feel. to all those affected...i don't apologize for any misconceptions and miscommunication...it is what it is. all there is to do now is to keep loving and living ya dig? alright then...take care to all and to all a good night!

"countdown."

bodyworlds was awesome. it was a great, revealing exhibit that i recommend everyone to check out. i just loved the fact that i haven't been on a field trip in years and i got to spend time in LA for once. going to the california science center was quite nostalgic...i realized that including this time i've gone there once every two years. first time was prom...second time was asking my ex out. this time around was entirely different for the better...i actually was going for science...imagine that. it was a reminder for me that times have really changed...and i'm damn happy about it.

and what better way to finish off a field trip than galavanting/getting mochi in little tokyo. ah...perfecto!

pat brought something interesting to my attention. as of today...there is 21 days left until my birthday. yes...no one cares but me and maybe pat since he is the one who told me. either way...i'm excited that i've got 3 weeks left in "limbo" before the big 2-1. because there's 21 days left...i am inspired to do something special/new/different each day leading up to may 8 as a means of celebration. since it's almost midnight...i plan to do two things tomorrow to catch up with this idea. 21 days, 21 ways. what those 21 things are i don't know yet...i'm just going with it. all i know is that it's going to be exciting.

this weekend is going to be a very busy weekend. confirmation fesitivites for almost all of saturday. my tatay's birthday dinner at sam woo and/or tash's pcn saturday night. working almost all sunday afternoon. studing for finals this upcoming thursday. oh my goodness...the last full week of april is turning out to be a wild one.

speaking of finals...it's only been 4 weeks or so and i already have another final to study for. i'm worried because my performance during med/surg in regards to homework has been subpar and it's brought my grade dramatically down. i'm playing catch-up right now...doing whatever it takes to raise my grade before finals. once again...finals is a staggering 50% of the total grade so i'm hoping to make the cut again. on a lighter note...with finals comes another much needed 5-day weekend...yes!

here's something worth knowing/remembering. never say you don't deserve someone when you should believe that you are good enough to have that person in your life and/or by your side. that was something heath ledger talked about in 10 things i hate about you. if you must know when...it's the part where heath talks to joseph gordon-lewitt before he has to help out julia stiles. you truly deserve everything you set your mind on and put your heart into. believe in yourself and never doubt what you can do or who you really are.

why did i post this? because it was something worth remembering personally today. my confidence can't help but be shaken sometimes...but it's reminders like this that keep me up and going on

"thanks for the memories."

another retreat has come and gone. this was a very different experience. more people, different location, higher alertness and expectations for execution. it was a very good retreat...even if this was the craziest small group i've had (not to be confused with most troublesome or disruptive). it was a good getaway from the stresses of life and i feel like it was an opportunity to just be free and have a refocused and refreshed outlook on things and relationships in my life.

here's something graphically interesting. in spite of blink 182's enema of the state and numerous enema references in the media and such...i didn't know what an enema really was until today at the hospital. oh sure...i knew it had something to do with something going inside the rectum but now i know what it's all about. and yes...i learned by doing one on a patient. it helps with constipation and the release of bowel movement. at the same time i also learned how to perform a digital check (i'm not sure if that's the right term). i knew i was bound to probe someone's butt with my fingers some time so it's better now than later.

tomorrow...i'm going with my class to bodyworlds at the california science center. yeah...it sounds like a theme park shaped like the human body. rachel and pat made a humourous observation by thinking it was some gay event. it's obvious to see where they're coming from. that title is quite ambiguous i must say. the fact that it's actually called bodyworlds 3 makes it more gay. oh well...regardless of how it sounds and what it may seem like...it's going to be a cool experience.

the one opportunity i get to go to LA during the week and it's for educational purposes...and i have to go back asap for work. it seems like i haven't worked in ages. technically...i haven't been to work since two sundays ago but so much has happened already. i hope i'm not all awkward and what not...but i'm sure i'm hoping for too much.

i never thought this would happen but it did...seattle's best in the spectrum is closing down tomorrow. back in the day (which just so happened to be last year)...sbc used to be one of the places i'd go to whenever i needed to just chill or talk with friends. i've met countless friends there, had numerous green tea lattes and javanilla shakes, and way too many laughs and good times to remember. seriously...as much as it makes rachel cocky....she's right: if not for her, i wouldn't have really had anything to do with sbc. and so...tonight a whole lot of us were there for one last time. austin, martin, jp, nikki, achi, tiff, brother bear, dennis, katrina, nick, christian, pat, matt, steven, jen, jennie, jbear, rachel, mike dub, and myself were all in attendance to have one last drink (mine just so happened to be a javanilla shake that messed me up later on when i ate shabu-shabu). ah...things are changing yet again. it truly is spring...when the coldness melts upon the arrival of warmer and brighter things.

10 more days until medsurg finals...let the madness begin.

thanks for reading...peace out!

"eve."

in the midst of an all-nighter i find time to reflect. it's unusual for me to sleep past midnight/1pm anymore which used to be normal when the year started. it's even more unusual that i'm attempting to pull off an all-nighter in order to do all the homework i need to do before retreat. speaking of which...the retreat has finally arrived. i'm happy to be going but my joy comes with a price. as some already know...i won't be around the ministry as much as possible until i finish the school year in 2009. it's a huge sacrifice. is it my choice? of courst not...it's my the decision of my parents. that being said...i need to honor their wishes. i've invested the best years of my life into this ministry and i've grown so much from it. i wouldn't be the person i am today without this ministry...without the graces and blessings i've been thankful to receive from it. this weekend may very well be the last retreat i do for a long time. who knows? i could be back in three weeks for the may retreat. i may do a few retreats in the upcoming season. whatever is the case...my status is clear when it comes to retreats: for now...every retreat will literally feel like the last retreat i go on. i remember jun telling me back in the day to go into every retreat with that very same mentality...but it's for real this time. it's not just words of encouragement...it's my situation. all honesty...my parents did not want me to go but certain things have forced the decision out of their control. they call it luck...i know it's a prayer answered. yes...they're upset that i'm going but they'll see that it's time away we both need. and now...all there is left between the retreat and me is 8 hours of school...complete with two exams, one quiz, and hours of lecture. no one said it was easy. the hustle never stops...so i go to keep rocking. have a grrrrrreat weekend...i'll see y'all on the other side.

"loco for adobo."

after two months of postponing...the adobo night finally took place. once again...the festivities were held at the leelin residence. this time around...i cooked. i haven't cooked in the longest time so it was great to make dinner with the assistance of christian. it took 2 hours to prepare but in the end it was worth it. everyone liked the adobo and there was enough for everyone who wasn't late. the best 24 bucks i've spent in ages. it was truly a labor of love for all my friends in attendance and i was happy to show them some care and appreciation for who they are and how much they mean to me. watching the laker game (even though they lost), rock band (even though i didn't play), and celebrating mike's 24th birthday (birthday bash ice cream!)...it was a random, chill, and special night.

two more days until retreat...mike dub brought that up to me and that got me more anxious and excited than ever. it also puts me in more disbelief than i was days ago. seriously...retreat is already coming soon. it was not that long ago that i just finished up my commitment on the january retreat and nursing school was weeks away. my how things have changed. it's going to be very hard on my life, my body, and my health to go on retreat and still go on with school the way things are. this has been a most strenuous week. learning how to use syringes. difficult patients. long hours at school that drag on and on. lots and lots of homework. back to back to back quizzes and exams. damn...it's all getting to me right about now. seriously...adobo night was a good break from it all but apart from that everything is so not fetch. i have much to settle before the weekend arrives.

but here's one thing to look forward and another plug for something good to come...
my 21st birthday pajama jam! there's going to be amazing food and desserts. good music and fun games of all kinds. the best friends God can provide. time and place is a given for the invited. you want in? let me know. you want to sleep on it? your loss. it's not an affair to remember...but it's a night to celebrate the abundant blessings of life and love comfortably.


heigh-ho, heigh-ho...it's back to work i go.

"day by day."

i'm listening to the rent soundtrack right now and i wanted to share what i feel is the most substantial lesson i've learned from rent. yes...there is the positive tolerance of homosexuality and increased hiv/aids awareness but this lesson comes from the very verses of one of the songs sung by rosario dawson (and the supporting cast as the song goes on):

"there's only yes.
there's only this.
forget regret
or life is yours to miss.
no other road.
no other way.
no day but today.
there's only yes.
only this life.
we must let go
to know what's right.
no other course.
no other way.
no day but today.
i can control my destiny.
i trust my soul.
my only goal is just to be.
there's only now
there's only here...
we live to love
or live in fear
no other path
no other way
no day but today."

no wonder why "no day but today" was promoted above any other topic in rent. no matter what...we have to realize that a lifetime needs to be measured in something more critical than years. a lifetime is different for everyone. it can be 100 years for one (like a patient i saw in the hospital earlier this week) but it can also be minutes for another (like a baby dying of respiratory problems). the only thing that we can't change about life is our inevitable demise. but that's where an abudance of hope lies. we control everything else with faith and grace intact. we can make that finish spectacular and positive. we can make everything that comes beforehand utterly brilliant. our lives...every single day we live...carries the potential and opportunity to make a difference for the better. love like no other. take risks and fall only to keep going strong. but don't live with the mentality that we should party and go all out for tomorrow isn't guaranteed. rather...live to the fullest so that every day carries more and more hope for continuing on. ah...what wonder we can get from musicals. first enchanted and now rent haha.

in recent news...i finally cleaned out my ears with the ear wax candle. no...it's not made of ear wax. it's made of beeswax. it takes ear wax out of the ear someone through heat. meagan and i used it on each other and it was an interesting experience. i thought i cleaned my ears well everyday and that i didn't have that much ear wax. but damn...i was proven wrong. it was digusting to see all the wax buildup that was in my ears but it was also cool to see how well the candle worked and i felt much cleaner afterwards. i can also hear better now haha.

it came out of nowhere...but the con1 retreat is next weekend. i'll be teaming up with the easter banger himself...ray amador. we've never facilitated together so it's going to be interesting and awesome. i don't know what to really expect with this upcoming retreat but i know it's going to be a good weekend and it's something i need. even if i'm going to be there for the retreatants...i can't help but want to get something out of this retreat for myself. a retreat from the stress of parents, school, and work. i don't have to care about the time...only the people i'm with and the moments i have to spend with them. i can't wait.

God works in mysterious ways. on good friday...i started a novena with my parents and never finished it. according to my mom, it's not good to not finish a novena. in one way or another...i learned that lesson the hard way recently and it feels like i'm being given another chance with the new novena i've started with the rest of the crosstrainers. i plan to finish what i've started this time around.

i would love to continue but unlike r. kelly...my mind and body are both telling me no.
good night and much love. stay classy world.

"hobo mentality."

nothing worth personally noting this time around but i wanted to post something
i got from my friend kathleen...the only friend i've got in vermont let alone any of the other orginal thirteen colonies. oh wait...i have two more in those colonies...states...whatever. you get the point. so here it is and i hope you feel an increase of depth in your own perspective:

"decide your own life, don't let another person run or rule you. when in town, always respect the local law and officials, and try to be a gentleman or lady at all times. don't take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation, locals or other hoboes. always try to find work, even if temporary, and always seek out jobs nobody wants. by doing so you not only help a business along, but insure employment should you return to that town again. when no employment is available, make your own work by using your added talents at crafts. do not allow yourself to become a stupid drunk and set a bad example for locals treatment of other hoboes. when jungling in town, respect handouts, do not wear them out, another hobo will be coming along who will need them as bad, if not worse than you. always respect nature, do not leave garbage where you are jungling. if in a community jungle, always pitch in and help. try to stay clean, and boil up wherever possible. when traveling, ride your train respectfully, take no personal chances, cause no problems with the operating crew or host railroad, act like an extra crew member. do not cause problems in a train yard, another hobo will be coming along who will need passage through that yard. do not allow other hoboes to molest children, expose to authorities all molesters, they are the worst garbage to infest any society. help all runaway children, and try to induce them to return home. help your fellow hoboes whenever and wherever needed, you may need their help someday."

what?! that was quirky! yeah...talk about hoboes in vermont. okay okay...she probably got this from some amazing piece of literature but either way there was a lot to be had from this passage. good night and much love holmes and houses.

"so close."

i have a new title now. r.i.p. "where my words and thoughts collide." yeah...it's reminiscent of robin thicke and ciara. yes...i'm sure there's at least a million other people who have a similar title. i don't really care. i like it and it better represents what my blog is all about.

alright then...moving along. i can honestly declare that no year has gone by faster for me than 2008 thus far. if i didn't know better...i would have thought it was only january going on febraury. but alas....here we are at the brink of april. it's crazy but i'm actually liking the feeling. not that i don't like what 2008 has brought or what will come in the year. i'm looking forward to 2009 already because that will be the year i hopefully fulfill my dream of being a nurse. being in school seemingly non-stop for the rest of the year wasn't exactly how i saw this year was going to be but it will be nevertheless and i just have to adapt.

until then...there's obviously so much to look forward to besides schools and holidays in the present year. i'm turning 21 in about a month! i've become very much restless and excited for it. my birthday party will be a pajama jam...reliving the magic of house party 2! i know i had a previous idea for my birthday party but this is definitely much more awesome. i want my guests to be comfortable and just the flow of things to be simple. what better way to celebrate than in the clothing you sleep in. but trust me...you won't want to sleep on this party. also...i'm painting my room this weekend. finally! after months of procrastination and planning...it's going to happen. speaking of which...the long-awaited bay area trip is going to be in full effect on june 5-8. if you're available...go! i'm not 21 yet and i know of 6 vegas trips i plan on going on throughout this year. yeah...i'm on the highway to broke hahaha. sorry...i couldn't help the cheesy quip. and last but not least but will be the last thing i post here...there's the summer season. i don't say vacation because there's no such thing for me this year around. i'll still be at school or the hospital five days a week, 8 hours a day. it's going to interesting, troublesome, and exciting to see how i'm going to share in the good times with my friends while staying on point for school. no matter what happens...one notion will prevail: the summer was made for swagger. i don't know why but something tells me this will be a good summer indeed.

in reality, february 27, 2009 is very far away and the days are actually going by at the "normal" pace but the feeling is definitely different. i'm blazing through this year. i can only hope that when i get to 2009 i'll be able to rewind, look back, and remember plenty of good things.

ah...enchanted is right once again. so close and still so far. so far...but still so close.