"knowledge is king."

yes, i was burned but i call it a lesson learned.
mistake overturned so i call it a lesson learned.
my soul has returned so i call it a lesson learned...
another lesson learned.

2008 was a great year.

i won't recap it but i will surely remember all the joy and suffering. i will cherish both because they have further justified my belief that i live a beautiful life, adding more definition to it. 2009 will be so amazing because of everything that took place this year.

life perfect ain't perfect if you don't know what the struggle's for.
falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor.
it's called the past because i'm getting past
and i ain't nothing like i was before...
you ought to see me now.

here's a visual representation of what i want to say...



last night (miraculously) was the 3rd annual ACE Christmas dinner party. it was something i wanted to make a reality for the longest time...our close friends coming together like before to celebrate Christmas and the values it consists of...love, joy, peace, and hope. i didn't think it was going to happen because of everything that's happened with us this past year. however, all was well in the end. in "field of dreams" fashion, i hosted the party...and they came. it was one of the last remaining highlights of 2008...but it was one that was personally gratifying and wonderful.

wherever you are and whatever you do to bring in the new year...be safe and live it up!

and maybe you can meet up with my friends and me here...



that's all for me to post this year...i'll see you in 2009. happy new year!

"crispy."

it's always a good Christmas day when the lakers play and win...especially when they beat the celtics. the usual pan-fried noodles, fried rice, and prime rib. played monopoly with the cousins...and it ended with us giving up like always because of shady deals and free rent.

i went out with matt to watch benjamin button. met up with tiff, her siblings, and her cousin. aimee, eric and ervin were there. so was donally and devyn. the cristals, mike mang, ramy, and cedric were two row in front of us. shawn and chelsea david were with their family. austin and sylvie were somewhere in the theater. everyone and their degrees of separation where pretty much watching the movie...which was really good. good screenplay and visuals. a very quotable movie. it definitely was a nice finishing touch to such an awesome Christmas day.

the new year is days away but there's still so much to live out in 2008.

today is christian's birthday...go and wish him well if you haven't yet!



this is in celebration of his birthday hahaha.

"818s and heart(s that will never)break."

surprised jen sar for her birthday gift with a trip down to the griffith park dwp light festival. she was blindfolded during the car ride there up until we got on the tour bus for the festival, even during our pit-stop at starbucks in los feliz. there were buildings, dinosaurs, surfers, cowboys, indians, animals, elves, airplanes, body-builders, bikini girls, bridges, and all sorts of things illuminated. here's a small sample of what we saw:














awesome display of Christmas lights...you need to go if you haven't before. i've wanted to go for years so i'm glad i can finally say i went.







went over to la crescenta/montrose and ate at the rocky cola cafe. it was very nostalgic eating there and just being back in my childhood hometown. going through the shopping park, seeing holy redeemer, passing by my old home and schools, driving around and seeing all the things i still remember...the joy of coming back there is one-of-a-kind.






later on in the night...i met up with krysta, marc, pat, russell, and aimee at bj's for a long-awaited, long-overdue reunion. john antolin, nick, tiff, gelo, and dennis came through as well. hours of laughs, catching up, and entertainment. it was simply amazing spending time with these people that i don't get to chill with as much as i'd like to, especially russell who i haven't seen in years.



it's so affirming to know that after all this time...we're all still friends. friends that can be apart for so long and come back together like nothing's happened ---> la bella vita.

if i don't feel Christmas right now, with everything i've done in the past 24 hours...then i never will.

"illuminate."

"where are you yeezy?!"

i thought that starting winter break last friday was going to help me feel the Christmas spirit more, but nothing has changed apart from the fact that a majority of my time is no longer spent at school. three days left until Christmas day and i don't think it's going to feel how i want to ideally feel. however, i'm blessed to be feeling a whole lot of love, joy, and peace, especially in the past few days. perhaps this is what the Christmas spirit feels like when you're an adult...evolved.

watched bolt with dennis, fred, and tiff.



i wasn't really wanting to watch this movie...but it got to me with its first scenes. it was a good idea to see bolt after all, and you need to watch it if you love dogs.

annual crosstrainer ugly sweater Christmas party. good as always. i got a hairspray dvd from white elephant. i was happy because i've wanted to get it for quite some time now.

ate at lucille's bbq for my mom's birthday. i've got a soft spot for their oh-so-tender chicken and sweet corn. without fail...the food coma took me over and i was knocked out for a couple hours after lunch.

went to starbucks @ grand and valley with tiff to meet up with david and jenny. good conversation over cups of lattes and ciders. afterwards...tiff and i went over to glendale galleria to carouse and shop. found gifts and such. we chilled at the american for a quick sec (emphasis on quick) before heading over to mixbowl in pomona to catch up on dinner.




there's something about this sight that will always make me smile.

this is going to be a week to remember...however you spend it, spend it well.

"you drive me crazy."

when i woke up this morning at 4:50am, i knew this day was going to be rough...and i was definitely right. i was more annoyed than usual by the drive to hemet, especially with all the rain and fog. my clinical instructor was more irritating than ever before...and she disrespected our class with her belittling statements and actions. then, after an 8-hour shift...i had to pick up my auntie aichu from LAX, a journey that took 5 hours from hemet to LAX and back home in more rain and traffic.

don't get me wrong, it was a pleasure to take care of my patients today and i have no qualms about picking up my aunt. today was just not my day...sigh.

here's to a better tomorrow. hopefully one with less driving.

"30 rock."

inspired by recent facebook notes from my friends (they know who they are)...here are 30 random facts about myself, announcements, and thoughts.

1) one time when i was working at starbucks...i once rocked out around the store to the killers' "when you were young." i was using a mop stick as a guitar and mic, and i got up on the register counter and did jumps like david lee roth. i was also singing through the drive thru speakers. liz and fred (and anyone who heard on the drive thru speaker from the street) were my audience. luckily, the store was empty and no one came in or went through the drive thru.

2) for thankgiving during the second grade, i dressed up as an indian using a surgical gown and my mom created war paint on my face using lipstick because we didn't have time to get real face paint.

3) astronomy was my first passion in school. i absolutely loved reading about stars, planets, and other galaxies. i love it so much that to honor my passion...i have glow-in-the-dark stars on my room's ceiling to simulate the night sky as i go to bed.

4) when it comes to fragrances, my friends usually go to me for help and suggestions. in fact, i've gone with them to sephora and other stores as a consultant. i was also offered a job by the supervisor of the fragrance department at bloomingdale's in south coast plaza.

5) growing up, i favored listening to disco/doo-wop/soft rock/1950's/1960's music over pop, hip-hop, r&b, and alternative rock...genres that are now in heavy rotation for me.

6) i used to be really into tumbling and what not when i was a kid. i'm not sure what happened, but sometime after i came back from a trip to the philippines in 1995 i became scared of it. now, i have the hardest time doing something as simple as a somersault.

7) i went to 5 proms, but i never went to sadies.

8) the first song i ever downloaded from the internet was one voice's "always on my mind."

9) i've been to knott's berry farm only once for the actual theme park experience, but i've gone two times for funnel cake and three times for their amazing mrs. knott's fried chicken.

10) i miss the days when mcdonalds was less healthy with the chicken nuggets and they still used dark meat pieces. i never dipped them in sauce unless it was the nuggets made out of white meat.

11) two years ago, before i went out, i used to dress up/get ready to ne-yo's "sexy love."

12) my favorite kind of pancakes are swedish pancakes.

13) in elementary school, i had a dream that i was dating a classmate named kelly. however, i believed it was real so when i went to school the morning after i acted like her boyfriend and she thought i was crazy.

14) i'm a huge lakers fan so during the kobe and shaq era, i bought shaq's classic lakers (from their minnesota days) jersey. unfortunately, he was traded months later and i no longer could wear it. such a bust.

15) i remember the times when h&m was really good and really cheap. don't get me wrong...h&m style is still fresh and the prices are decent, but i remember the days when it was only exclusive on the east coast nationally and i bought three impeccably made and complete wardrobes for about $80.

16) one sure way to know i like someone: i give them a care bear. it's also what i used to do for a lot of my high school dance dates...but not because i like them.

17) my dad got upset at me one time for using curve for men cologne. he didn't like the fact that i was using a cheap cologne so he bought giorgio armani's agua di gio for me to "teach me a lesson."

18) an ambition of mine is to get tattoos by mister cartoon and kat von d.

19) i have a fascination with greek and norse mythology.

20) i've never seen the sound of music yet i know all the songs. i'm hoping to finally watch it when betty comes home for winter break.

21) i didn't like mike leelin when i first met him...as shocking as that is. the man is amazing and he's like a big brother to me now.

22) when i got out of biology class at chaffey in the afternoon a couple of years ago...i would play frou frou's "let go" as i made my way to the car. it was a very cinematic moment...the music, the sun in the distance and the humbling view, and of course...the feeling of getting out of class and going home.

23) my favorite sushi place was called sushi masa. when i moved to california, this became my family's default restaurant. we stopped going there after we moved to chino hills and it has since closed down unfortunately.

24) my first crush and first kiss was a girl named princess. she and i were both 4 at the time and lived across the street from each other. we would walk to school together with my nanny. cute naman!

25) current guilty pleasures: listening to taylor swift's "love story" and david archuleta's "crush."

26) when i sprint, i run on my toes. this led to my classmates back in elementary school calling me forrest gump because he runs the way.

27) without fail, i'll always get down to montel jordan's "this is how we do it."

28) my favorite pairs of shoes are the nike foamposite pro one in orlando magic blue and the nike air jordan xiv low in white/carolina blue. here's thing thing though...i've never owned a pair of either shoe. there was just something about those shoes that captivated my eyes. i was unable to get them when i was a kid and i still can't get any years later. hopefully, that will change in the future and i'll finally have them.

29) these are my three of my most enduring goals...to attend ucla, visit yellowstone national park, and to drive a delorean.

30) whenever i make a big purchase (and/or a really good one), i reenact what nicholas cage does in gone in 60 seconds when he's listening to war's "low rider."

"yo diciembre!"

the past 48 hours have been sashimi status. originally...i was supposed to go to madrigal feaste on friday night with pat but that didn't end up working out. then, i was planning to have shabu-shabu at my house with dennis and some other people but that ended up falling apart. instead, by some sort of divine working, i randomly called clarissa while i was at the gym to say hi...and that hello turned into dinner at gyu-kaku in victoria gardens with her and dennis. she hasn't been feeling well as of late so it was a pleasure for dennis and me to take her out to help her feel better. good dinner as always with a good conversation to match. it's been months since i've eaten there (granted that we have all been busy and it's not exactly the cheapest meal) so i was glad to eat there at least one more time before the end of the year. pinkberry afterwards and the night was complete.

yesterday, i went with genevee, fred, nick, jen, senpai, pare, marc, charlene, chris ha, sylvie, chris lee, austin, pat, arthur, jeanette, ana, tracy, and rachel to the ponte winery in temecula for katrina and dennis' birthdays. i've never really been to temecula so i was surprised to discover how much parts of it look like chino hills. i was also surprised to see how vast and beautiful their wine country was. all in all...a very pleasant, peaceful, and relaxing time with good company. eating at alberto's afterwards was a bad choice, but getting pizookies at bj's with fred and genevee was a good one for sure.

later on that night...dennis, stephen, jen, mike b, arthur, pat, and i went over to kimi's house for her birthday party. a definite highlight of 2008 for damn sure. it was great to chill with troy/st. joe people, ucla people, old friends i haven't seen in awhile, and newfound friends. it's always good to have great people come together to make cinematic moments happen.



i'm the happiest i've been since probably around july. it really does feel great to be back in school, to have my appetite for some structured, professional learning satisfied. i'm more confident about things and i'm excited for what's to come.

it may not feel like Christmas right now, even with it being less than two weeks away, but it does feel like the most wonderful time of the year.

"getting the groove back."

i aced my first exam in neuro. okay okay...this should be expected because of my situation but i'm still overjoyed about it. the more important victories still lie ahead, like surviving the 3 weeks/3 times a week/24 hours a day grind in hemet and the final on 1/30. i'll just keep on going. warming up to my classmates slowly but surely. i've been quiet and keeping a little to myself (mostly because of me being really sick)...but they will see how i do soon enough.

i found out stevie wonder might be doing the 8th season of dancing with the stars. the show is a guilty pleasure of mine on monday/tuesday/wednesday nights and i'm hoping he really goes for it. just because he's blind doesn't mean he can't dance, and as a big fan of his music...i know the man can groove like no other.

space 15 twenty ---> curated by urban outfitters, it's a recently new retail space in hollywood with some funky fresh (yeah i still use funky fresh) stores. check it out if you're in the area.

there's not that many female dancers that inspire me...but here are two of the ones who definitely do.

rino nakasone.



gigi torres.



one fine day...i will return to dancing.

until then ---> peace!

"cornerstone."

going back wasn't as awkward as i thought it would be. in fact...the first thing that happened the moment i stepped into the classroom was someone screaming "john!" i turned around to find it was my old classmate sarah. way more people in this class than my other one. my teacher mrs. giles is so far so good...she reminds me (and looks like) cedric the entertainer (with the wig martin lawrence used for big momma's house). the first day was smooth and fast. i don't know what is to come in the weeks to come with neuro, but i know that like allstate...i'm in good hands.






rachel, tiff, yonas, yambeezy, christian, and i met up at starbucks tonight for a short rendezvous (short for me since i left first). it was nice to talk with them over some hot drinks and have some laughs. it's such a comfort to know these people along with my family, faith, and the rest of my friends are my foundation.



and maybe some things are THAT simple.

"big."

my last day before i go back to school...and i spend it sick and at home. as i do whatever i can to recover in time for class/clinical. i still remember being in the office of the student services director with my parents when we found out i would be going back in december 10 instead of september 30. the shock, the anger, the sadness...it was a lot to take in at one time. for almost three months, i have waited to make my comeback. it's been hard dealing with this situation on all levels. now...it's going to be very humbling since i will be seeing all my friends/classmates graduate before me...months ahead of me. it's going to be difficult balancing my life with school back in the mix again. some of my friends are married, some have children already, some are expecting children, some are going to grad school, others already have careers, and the rest are on the verge of starting careers within the upcoming year or so. i'm none of the above. that needs to change this year because it's that or nothing. as i mentioned in the last entry...tomorrow is the beginning of my victory. to win takes a lot of work, effort, and sacrifice. a boy tried making it through concorde before and didn't succeed, only to realize it takes a man to seize the win. a man is making his return tomorrow. growing up is troublesome, but staying the same is far more worse.

"TKO."

next wednesday, december 10, i make my long awaited comeback to concorde. i return to finish what i started, continuing where i left off. the past couple of months have been both hard and easy. i've suffered much but i've also enjoyed my time. the next seven months will be challenging. as much as i wish there wasn't, there's going to be more drama and more pressure. regardless, i'm ready to get back into the grind again. i'm going to suffer some more...but i'll do whatever it takes to live some more, love some more, succeed some more.

last week at pat's post-thanksgiving party, we were playing rock band 2 and i was listening to paramore's "that's what you get." i've never heard the song before and i'm now in love with it.

"that's what you get when you let your heart win."

this phrase from the chorus keeps repeating in my mind. true to the words...i don't always act or think logically. i tend to do things based on my passion for it. i get carried away with following my heart.

"i drowned all my senses with sound of its beating."

i make mistakes over and over again...this wouldn't happen so much if i actually used my brain more. i probably would be a more rational and more responsible person if i didn't act so much on what i feel...if i actually became more aware and the urgency to be a better man. during my time away from concorde...i've been learning (the hard way) to achieve this...to be more real than ideal and to think things through more thoroughly. it's been difficult but i believe to be growing slowly but surely.

i'm going to be honest. i'm not exactly the image of what a nurse should be. people see me more as a teacher than a nurse. they say i'm not responsible enough, i'm not cut out for it, and i don't have what it takes to be a nurse. they think i'm talented in teaching people, reaching out to others and helping them. what those people don't understand is that this is why i want to be a nurse. beyond the pressure of my parents and criticism from whoever...i want to be a nurse because i know this what i'm supposed to do. i didn't believe that at first and i did want to do other things. my past failures in school discouraged me. i felt i couldn't live up to my ambition. i fall, get up, and fall again even harder...a vicious cycle. but, my love of nursing only grew through it all. there's no joy that compares to what i feel when i'm able to help a patient out and spend time with them. my life, my soul flourishes through my service. i want to be nurse because of that...because i can make a lifelong career out of the best thing in life...doing what i love with the people i love. this is where my heart has taken me...i've arrived at this realization. i know i'm going to make more mistakes, but i'm going to keep going, keep growing. i'll never be the perfect nurse...but i'll be a nurse with a good heart. a capable nurse with the talent and knowledge to do the damn thing. and yeah...by being a nurse, i'll be able to teach compassion and care. i'll be able to show people how to live well.

i'll continue to use my heart as i have before. i'm going to make compromises now and i will step it up with maturity, but i won't stop letting my heart thrive in what i do. this is who i am. i can't change that and what i've done, although i will change for the better.

i have to reiterate that my life is filled with many flaws, mistakes, and failures. however, all my actions have led me to a life filled with so much love, so much joy, so much hope, so much beauty. i have learned through my past to persevere, to keep going no matter what because the best is always yet to come. i've realized that it is through my passion as well as suffering that i become stronger and better. i've learned to truly live...

and that's what you get when you let your heart win.




december 10...is the beginning of my victory.