"redeemed."

this has to be the lowest point
for me with my nursing schooling.
i got the lowest score on a final yet.
i have to remediate now
which means i continue on but i have to
retake the g.i. final and
do well on it this time around.
not going on the camping trip
did not make a difference at all.
but then again...
i know it's my fault and i let this happen to me.
now it's time to make things right again.

i went to morning mass today.
i haven't attended a morning mass in months...
ever since i started the nursing program.
i was quite fond of it when i used
to go frequently so it was good to go for once.
i ran into lauren...i literally have not seen her
or heard from her in months so that was
a pleasant surprise. last time i saw her...
it wasn't under the best circumstances but
it's all good...we best be chillin' soon for real real.
i waited for about an hour for confession.
it was uncomfortable waiting in line and
i was very close to just leaving and trying again later.
but...i knew that i had to do it now or never.
my confession turned out to be
the best one i've had all year perhaps.

let me rewind.
this past monday....
my partner cherisse and i were talking
to the son of one of our patients
who was a marine.
i don't know how the conversation came about
but he talked to us about how
hard and grueling it was in boot camp
and all his other experiences.
he told us that though he did cry at times...
he never let his peers or superiors see him
broken down. he refused to let
them break him down somehow someway.

in regards to my current situations...
i feel as if the reality of remediating g.i.
has made me realize that this nursing program
has indeed broken me. it's taken so much of me
to continue on and it's an everyday challenge
just to make it to the next day...the next lesson.
on the way home from taking my final...
i felt like crying but nothing happened.
no matter how much i tried...there was no results.

then...the earthquake occured moments later and that
reminded me that my life is literally being shaken up
because i needed a reality check.
mother nature and mrs. montes made sure to give me one.

during confession
and after i confessed my sins...
the priest tells me something that really got to me:

"it is good of you to admit your brokenness and come here
before God as a broken man...because it is in
that brokenness you will find redemption."

and so my redemption begins today.
it's a tough road (definite understatement)
ahead of me but i'm on my way to build myself up again.
this time around...i'll be stronger and wiser.
remediation will not happpen again to me.
i'll make damn sure of that.

-------------------------------------------

here's how my last school break until september has been going:

ate at the curry house with christian, pat, steven,
stephen, mike b, arthur, jay, marlene, zye, dennis,
anavie, mike leelin, marc, andrew, austin, and sylvie.
yeah...we roll deep.
we watched the dark knight on imax afterwards...
10x better than normal screen.
i suggest you do so if you haven't already.

finally gave my car a proper car wash. months overdue.
my car looks frrrresh. i don't care if it's a corolla...i'm lovin' it.

attended meagan's surprise birthday dinner with fred and devyn.
it was at the cliff restaurant in laguna beach...
cue hillary duff's "coming clean."
others in full effect were melinda, eddie, katrina, demy, amy,
zach, cynthia, mike perez, angelica, jordan, and mike mang.
it was a good dinner with an impressive view.
a little pricey of course but it was worth it.
later on...we played a whole mess of games at
the huynh residence. a victory in outburst
awarded the guys with donuts courtesy of the girls.
that saved us a trip to donut man haha.

played basketball for the first time in months
and that felt great. i don't like missing out on it
every time i get calls or text.
after playing today...i'll make a better effort
to manage my time and fit playing in.
i also biked for the first time in years...
and now i want a bicycle more than ever haha.
ah...i miss recreational activities.
the closest i get to recreation nowadays are
the creative recreations i rock on my feet...sigh.

redemption is definitely in store for all aspects of my life.

-------------------------------------------

so here i am...i've arrived
at the end of july and finally
at the halfway mark of the nursing program
and the second half of summer.

i really have appreciated the memories, moments,
and experiences i've been blessed to have
in my spare time...how ever much that is.

it's going to be crazy and grueling
to have a module that's six weeks long...
we haven't had a class that long since
med-surg in march. we all got
very much comfortable in the fact
that we got breaks every 2-3 weeks.

august is going to be a very long month.
i'll be needing all the help i can get to make it through.
after all...it's in brokenness that one finds themselves alone
but the road to redemption is only traveled with good company.

just got to keep loving and hope to be loved.

good night...and happy birthday princess meagan!