"falling up."

neuro final is done. i'm sure i did well enough to survive. now i can only hope for the best and that i passed. plenty of homework to do over the following days until renal begins on monday. clinical makeup on saturday in assistencia villa in loma linda. thank goodness it's closer than hemet or victorville.

in the words of tyga...i'm in love with a lifestyle i can't afford. the truth is hard to admit indeed. even before my time with starbucks ended i was having difficulty maintaining a good social life, complete with adventures and purchases. what i a fool i was to hold onto something that was slowly bringing me down...for with this lifestyle came the addiction to keep it up and keep it going at any cost, and i mean that both ways. i managed to learn my lesson and realize the truth before all hope was lost. now it's time to recover and live more simple.

i have to be more careful and thoughtful with my actions and choices. this is my life to live...but i share it with so many people, my family and my friends. what i do and say reflects upon my loved ones in some way. they have a right to be disrespected, insulted, and such if i make poor decisions and do unwise things because they have invested so much into me as i have into them. i don't need to uphold an image...but i do have honor and integrity to keep and maintain. i have done some imprudent things as of late and i do apologize for all wrong deeds...because while i never meant any negativity and i believe i was in the right context, i have to remember that this life of mine involves others...and those are people i truly and deeply love.

in batman begins...alfred repeatedly tells bruce wayne, "why do we fall? so we can learn to pick ourselves up." no matter how many times bruce failed and fell...alfred was there to help him and let him know what's up. here i am...already past the halfway mark of my nursing program and i haven't managed to instill the positive changes i wanted to make after remediating gastrointestinal. and yes...i let myself go and i fell again. however, there were people still around that care for me. though they have given me a hard time before and gave me a harder time now...they do it for my best interest. they do it so i can get up once again and be stronger. if i was to follow the movie...i can relate my situation to the point in the movie where alfred lifts bruce's spirits when wayne manor is in flames. so many things are going crazy for me right now...but i will make it through the fire. as batman saves the day...i will save myself and thrive.

it's been a very difficult and very revealing past couple of days for me.

i hope you can benefit from my thoughts and perspective and gain some insight...whether it is about my life or yours. as for me...i'm in need of a break. it's time to relax...peace!