"daybreak."

i haven't spent a friday night at home in awhile...so i suppose this is the night to change that. in fact, aside from going to costco and church, i spent most of the day at home which is something i don't often do and has been quite surprising for me. so what have i done with my time? donate clothes, reorganize items, clean my room, empty out a desk i'm giving away/demolishing (most likely...it's demolition time!), and throwing away bags full of things i don't use/need/want anymore. and when i wasn't working on that...i watched a whole lot of gossip girl, iron man, and wedding crashers which were all on youtube. viva la youtube!

and speaking of which...consider me addicted to gossip girl. i have something to look forward to on monday nights now beside football, heroes, and the occasional bowling session.

this has been an unexpectedly humbling and contemplative day for me. i've found, sorted out, and thrown away so many items in my room that have reminded me of many things in the past...accomplishments, failures, joys, and sufferings. it's been very helpful in maintaining and nurturing my focus on the present and future. we are here in the present because of what has happened in the past, and the future is what becomes of our present...and it's amazingly as simple as that and surprisingly forgettable when we get caught up. as today ends and another day begins, i've gain more perspective and more passion...which is why no matter what, tomorrow is a better day.

"background check."

went to the gym this morning...good idea indeed. i had lunch with mr. feeny at yard house. i can't complain about it: good food, good company, good conversation, good laughs...all of it free and in abundance. i found out that feeny is doing the online retreat with me as well. he decided to do it last night. i'm glad that i have someone there with me to share my thoughts and experiences during the next 34 weeks of this retreat. speaking of which...i started the retreat earlier this week on tuesday. it's already proven to be very revealing and profound as i take a introspective look into my life and the "photos" that capture the good and bad moments. i don't know what will happen with this retreat, but what i want to acheive is more discipline, self-control, and balance...all of which i struggle to maintain. life is definitely getting more...for lack of a better word...understatedly interesting.

commes de garcons have a guerrilla store in downtown los angeles...did not know about that. a guerilla store is like a pop-up store where a a fully functional store gets opened for a limited time (in this case, one year) and closes down only to appear once more somewhere else. while their clothes are great, i'm more interested about the colognes. i've heard great things about them and i want to check them out. yeah...that's so john lendl chuatuan, huh?

i remember way back before senior year of high school started i bought american apparel shirts...only to find out they didn't fit me well. years later...they do and i'm back in love haha.

if you want to watch made of honor...it's on youtube. go check it out before it eventually gets taken off for copyright purposes. and yes...it is the latest addition to my list of favorite romantic comedies. also, love me if you dare (french movie) is also on youtube. i've heard good things about it so look into that one as well...which i definitely will soon.

alright time to get back to business...good night!

"if at first you don't succeed..."

dust yourself off and try again.
aaliyah was right.

i never expected that i would have to retake a course during this nursing program...but that's exactly what happened. as much as i do not want to go through it again, i deserve this fate. after all...i spent the past six weeks without the focus, passion, and performance needed to make it through successfully. although i got my focus and passion back up to where it used to be and needs to be at the end, everything has to be considered and with that in mind...i can't continue on with my original class. however, i will be able to continue on with the next class taking neurosensory. i will have another chance to finish. it's terribly disheartening to know i've failed yet again. it's going to take more time and more effort to get my diploma and license now...but i can manage. all is not lost. in spite of such shameful and disappointing moments...i still have hope. i know i can succeed. i believe in my talent, my potential, my resolve. i know how to get back up and do the damn thing.

learning the hard way isn't the coolest way to go...but it sure is the best way in the end.

in the words of father mike...it's definitely time to get off my ass and buckle down.

"busybody."

9/9

got my car back from caliber collision...it looks better than ever. i missed my car after having to drive a lame rental car for the past week. downtown fullerton at night with arthur, tawny, sheila, phoebe, rydell, and so forth for angela's birthday. a good time for sure.
9/10

pineapple express with jen @ downtown brea. the movie was okay...at least it was better than tropic thunder. it was a very quiet and chill night, definitely what i needed to just put myself at ease and clear my mind.
9/11
car service in westco for my mom's benz...got a charger for a rental. such a big car and so much power. it was nice to get surprised looks from people on the road. caroused through ikea...getting some furniture and interior design ideas. crosstrainer meeting ---> good discussion and great adoration. much needed experience indeed. coconut bay afterwards. it's funny how it becomes a lounge @ night, complete with fog machine and bouncer. oh wait...that's more like a club haha. thai iced tea with free refills is a truly beautiful thing.
9/12
spent the day with my grandma running errands. ra sushi with matt, joyce, walter, liz, dennis, katrina, phoebe, kecee, denise, jill, and others for angela's birthday dinner. random encounters with gelo as well as jenny and her friend diana. the salmon carpacchio is on point. watched burn after reading with dennis, fred, tiff, matt, austin, sylvie, jay, and erin. danny and his girlfriend were also there...good to see him after so long. it was a random yet very hillarious movie. the coen brothers have done it again.
9/13
clinical makeup in redlands. it was a smooth shift...wasn't too busy but i learned much. lunch @ hello sushi with carol...newfound nurse friend. mr. shay is a great instructor...if only he wasn't just a part-time/weekend teacher. bj's in westco for michy's birthday with pat. it was nice to see her and all the familiar faces (merv, patty, vinny, tin, and so forth). good to meet new people (aj, greg, michelle, ralph, jill, john). chilled @ steven's house for his dad's birthday party. food was good...but the cake was better! God bless porto's.

the end.

please pray for my grandma. i found out she has an unidentifiable mass in her throat that can be cancerous. she means so much to me and my family so i hope you can keep her in your prayers.

thanks!

"falling up."

neuro final is done. i'm sure i did well enough to survive. now i can only hope for the best and that i passed. plenty of homework to do over the following days until renal begins on monday. clinical makeup on saturday in assistencia villa in loma linda. thank goodness it's closer than hemet or victorville.

in the words of tyga...i'm in love with a lifestyle i can't afford. the truth is hard to admit indeed. even before my time with starbucks ended i was having difficulty maintaining a good social life, complete with adventures and purchases. what i a fool i was to hold onto something that was slowly bringing me down...for with this lifestyle came the addiction to keep it up and keep it going at any cost, and i mean that both ways. i managed to learn my lesson and realize the truth before all hope was lost. now it's time to recover and live more simple.

i have to be more careful and thoughtful with my actions and choices. this is my life to live...but i share it with so many people, my family and my friends. what i do and say reflects upon my loved ones in some way. they have a right to be disrespected, insulted, and such if i make poor decisions and do unwise things because they have invested so much into me as i have into them. i don't need to uphold an image...but i do have honor and integrity to keep and maintain. i have done some imprudent things as of late and i do apologize for all wrong deeds...because while i never meant any negativity and i believe i was in the right context, i have to remember that this life of mine involves others...and those are people i truly and deeply love.

in batman begins...alfred repeatedly tells bruce wayne, "why do we fall? so we can learn to pick ourselves up." no matter how many times bruce failed and fell...alfred was there to help him and let him know what's up. here i am...already past the halfway mark of my nursing program and i haven't managed to instill the positive changes i wanted to make after remediating gastrointestinal. and yes...i let myself go and i fell again. however, there were people still around that care for me. though they have given me a hard time before and gave me a harder time now...they do it for my best interest. they do it so i can get up once again and be stronger. if i was to follow the movie...i can relate my situation to the point in the movie where alfred lifts bruce's spirits when wayne manor is in flames. so many things are going crazy for me right now...but i will make it through the fire. as batman saves the day...i will save myself and thrive.

it's been a very difficult and very revealing past couple of days for me.

i hope you can benefit from my thoughts and perspective and gain some insight...whether it is about my life or yours. as for me...i'm in need of a break. it's time to relax...peace!