"eve."

in the midst of an all-nighter i find time to reflect. it's unusual for me to sleep past midnight/1pm anymore which used to be normal when the year started. it's even more unusual that i'm attempting to pull off an all-nighter in order to do all the homework i need to do before retreat. speaking of which...the retreat has finally arrived. i'm happy to be going but my joy comes with a price. as some already know...i won't be around the ministry as much as possible until i finish the school year in 2009. it's a huge sacrifice. is it my choice? of courst not...it's my the decision of my parents. that being said...i need to honor their wishes. i've invested the best years of my life into this ministry and i've grown so much from it. i wouldn't be the person i am today without this ministry...without the graces and blessings i've been thankful to receive from it. this weekend may very well be the last retreat i do for a long time. who knows? i could be back in three weeks for the may retreat. i may do a few retreats in the upcoming season. whatever is the case...my status is clear when it comes to retreats: for now...every retreat will literally feel like the last retreat i go on. i remember jun telling me back in the day to go into every retreat with that very same mentality...but it's for real this time. it's not just words of encouragement...it's my situation. all honesty...my parents did not want me to go but certain things have forced the decision out of their control. they call it luck...i know it's a prayer answered. yes...they're upset that i'm going but they'll see that it's time away we both need. and now...all there is left between the retreat and me is 8 hours of school...complete with two exams, one quiz, and hours of lecture. no one said it was easy. the hustle never stops...so i go to keep rocking. have a grrrrrreat weekend...i'll see y'all on the other side.

"loco for adobo."

after two months of postponing...the adobo night finally took place. once again...the festivities were held at the leelin residence. this time around...i cooked. i haven't cooked in the longest time so it was great to make dinner with the assistance of christian. it took 2 hours to prepare but in the end it was worth it. everyone liked the adobo and there was enough for everyone who wasn't late. the best 24 bucks i've spent in ages. it was truly a labor of love for all my friends in attendance and i was happy to show them some care and appreciation for who they are and how much they mean to me. watching the laker game (even though they lost), rock band (even though i didn't play), and celebrating mike's 24th birthday (birthday bash ice cream!)...it was a random, chill, and special night.

two more days until retreat...mike dub brought that up to me and that got me more anxious and excited than ever. it also puts me in more disbelief than i was days ago. seriously...retreat is already coming soon. it was not that long ago that i just finished up my commitment on the january retreat and nursing school was weeks away. my how things have changed. it's going to be very hard on my life, my body, and my health to go on retreat and still go on with school the way things are. this has been a most strenuous week. learning how to use syringes. difficult patients. long hours at school that drag on and on. lots and lots of homework. back to back to back quizzes and exams. damn...it's all getting to me right about now. seriously...adobo night was a good break from it all but apart from that everything is so not fetch. i have much to settle before the weekend arrives.

but here's one thing to look forward and another plug for something good to come...
my 21st birthday pajama jam! there's going to be amazing food and desserts. good music and fun games of all kinds. the best friends God can provide. time and place is a given for the invited. you want in? let me know. you want to sleep on it? your loss. it's not an affair to remember...but it's a night to celebrate the abundant blessings of life and love comfortably.


heigh-ho, heigh-ho...it's back to work i go.

"day by day."

i'm listening to the rent soundtrack right now and i wanted to share what i feel is the most substantial lesson i've learned from rent. yes...there is the positive tolerance of homosexuality and increased hiv/aids awareness but this lesson comes from the very verses of one of the songs sung by rosario dawson (and the supporting cast as the song goes on):

"there's only yes.
there's only this.
forget regret
or life is yours to miss.
no other road.
no other way.
no day but today.
there's only yes.
only this life.
we must let go
to know what's right.
no other course.
no other way.
no day but today.
i can control my destiny.
i trust my soul.
my only goal is just to be.
there's only now
there's only here...
we live to love
or live in fear
no other path
no other way
no day but today."

no wonder why "no day but today" was promoted above any other topic in rent. no matter what...we have to realize that a lifetime needs to be measured in something more critical than years. a lifetime is different for everyone. it can be 100 years for one (like a patient i saw in the hospital earlier this week) but it can also be minutes for another (like a baby dying of respiratory problems). the only thing that we can't change about life is our inevitable demise. but that's where an abudance of hope lies. we control everything else with faith and grace intact. we can make that finish spectacular and positive. we can make everything that comes beforehand utterly brilliant. our lives...every single day we live...carries the potential and opportunity to make a difference for the better. love like no other. take risks and fall only to keep going strong. but don't live with the mentality that we should party and go all out for tomorrow isn't guaranteed. rather...live to the fullest so that every day carries more and more hope for continuing on. ah...what wonder we can get from musicals. first enchanted and now rent haha.

in recent news...i finally cleaned out my ears with the ear wax candle. no...it's not made of ear wax. it's made of beeswax. it takes ear wax out of the ear someone through heat. meagan and i used it on each other and it was an interesting experience. i thought i cleaned my ears well everyday and that i didn't have that much ear wax. but damn...i was proven wrong. it was digusting to see all the wax buildup that was in my ears but it was also cool to see how well the candle worked and i felt much cleaner afterwards. i can also hear better now haha.

it came out of nowhere...but the con1 retreat is next weekend. i'll be teaming up with the easter banger himself...ray amador. we've never facilitated together so it's going to be interesting and awesome. i don't know what to really expect with this upcoming retreat but i know it's going to be a good weekend and it's something i need. even if i'm going to be there for the retreatants...i can't help but want to get something out of this retreat for myself. a retreat from the stress of parents, school, and work. i don't have to care about the time...only the people i'm with and the moments i have to spend with them. i can't wait.

God works in mysterious ways. on good friday...i started a novena with my parents and never finished it. according to my mom, it's not good to not finish a novena. in one way or another...i learned that lesson the hard way recently and it feels like i'm being given another chance with the new novena i've started with the rest of the crosstrainers. i plan to finish what i've started this time around.

i would love to continue but unlike r. kelly...my mind and body are both telling me no.
good night and much love. stay classy world.

"hobo mentality."

nothing worth personally noting this time around but i wanted to post something
i got from my friend kathleen...the only friend i've got in vermont let alone any of the other orginal thirteen colonies. oh wait...i have two more in those colonies...states...whatever. you get the point. so here it is and i hope you feel an increase of depth in your own perspective:

"decide your own life, don't let another person run or rule you. when in town, always respect the local law and officials, and try to be a gentleman or lady at all times. don't take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation, locals or other hoboes. always try to find work, even if temporary, and always seek out jobs nobody wants. by doing so you not only help a business along, but insure employment should you return to that town again. when no employment is available, make your own work by using your added talents at crafts. do not allow yourself to become a stupid drunk and set a bad example for locals treatment of other hoboes. when jungling in town, respect handouts, do not wear them out, another hobo will be coming along who will need them as bad, if not worse than you. always respect nature, do not leave garbage where you are jungling. if in a community jungle, always pitch in and help. try to stay clean, and boil up wherever possible. when traveling, ride your train respectfully, take no personal chances, cause no problems with the operating crew or host railroad, act like an extra crew member. do not cause problems in a train yard, another hobo will be coming along who will need passage through that yard. do not allow other hoboes to molest children, expose to authorities all molesters, they are the worst garbage to infest any society. help all runaway children, and try to induce them to return home. help your fellow hoboes whenever and wherever needed, you may need their help someday."

what?! that was quirky! yeah...talk about hoboes in vermont. okay okay...she probably got this from some amazing piece of literature but either way there was a lot to be had from this passage. good night and much love holmes and houses.

"so close."

i have a new title now. r.i.p. "where my words and thoughts collide." yeah...it's reminiscent of robin thicke and ciara. yes...i'm sure there's at least a million other people who have a similar title. i don't really care. i like it and it better represents what my blog is all about.

alright then...moving along. i can honestly declare that no year has gone by faster for me than 2008 thus far. if i didn't know better...i would have thought it was only january going on febraury. but alas....here we are at the brink of april. it's crazy but i'm actually liking the feeling. not that i don't like what 2008 has brought or what will come in the year. i'm looking forward to 2009 already because that will be the year i hopefully fulfill my dream of being a nurse. being in school seemingly non-stop for the rest of the year wasn't exactly how i saw this year was going to be but it will be nevertheless and i just have to adapt.

until then...there's obviously so much to look forward to besides schools and holidays in the present year. i'm turning 21 in about a month! i've become very much restless and excited for it. my birthday party will be a pajama jam...reliving the magic of house party 2! i know i had a previous idea for my birthday party but this is definitely much more awesome. i want my guests to be comfortable and just the flow of things to be simple. what better way to celebrate than in the clothing you sleep in. but trust me...you won't want to sleep on this party. also...i'm painting my room this weekend. finally! after months of procrastination and planning...it's going to happen. speaking of which...the long-awaited bay area trip is going to be in full effect on june 5-8. if you're available...go! i'm not 21 yet and i know of 6 vegas trips i plan on going on throughout this year. yeah...i'm on the highway to broke hahaha. sorry...i couldn't help the cheesy quip. and last but not least but will be the last thing i post here...there's the summer season. i don't say vacation because there's no such thing for me this year around. i'll still be at school or the hospital five days a week, 8 hours a day. it's going to interesting, troublesome, and exciting to see how i'm going to share in the good times with my friends while staying on point for school. no matter what happens...one notion will prevail: the summer was made for swagger. i don't know why but something tells me this will be a good summer indeed.

in reality, february 27, 2009 is very far away and the days are actually going by at the "normal" pace but the feeling is definitely different. i'm blazing through this year. i can only hope that when i get to 2009 i'll be able to rewind, look back, and remember plenty of good things.

ah...enchanted is right once again. so close and still so far. so far...but still so close.